Wednesday, November 29, 2006
looking at my past, i wonder how i've gotten here. it seems that i have fell badly from where i was. and it's hard to go back. i do miss that feeling of not having to worry about my studies now that i'm a retainee and life as a retainee is really quite crap. everyday i live in the fear of failure. huihui ever once mentioned about being high up there and then falling. i can truly understand that because my fall was even greater. now and then i ask myself if there is anything wrong with my brain. whether it had deteriorated over the years. but i know my brain is really rusty.
anyway, i wish there were more than 24 hours a day. the day often seem too short.
comparing who i was in the past and who i am now, i think i have changed quite a bit. i realised i don't like to talk as much be it face-to-face, on the phone etc. i remember i could talk on the phone for hours sometime ago. i've grown to comment less and observe more. observing does serve to give some pretty good insight though. and things really do get more complicated as we grow older. people can be scary. i've also learnt to like being by myself rather than how i always loved to have people around me. i've learnt to keep opinions to myself. haha i think this would be what melly always calls zen.
okay i'm lazy to type already.
i can't wait for wq and huihui to be back. i haven't seen wq in like 10000 years. i do hope you guys are looking after yourselves well and having fun :)
may we go on hand in hand
love you like a sister;
1:32 pm
Friday, November 24, 2006
come to think of it, i'm not really happy with my life. my indulgence in dramas help me feel like i'm brought into another world. and by the way, i don't understand why japanese dramas haven't been played in singapore when it's really nice (: i think it's nicer than the korean ones actually. i don't know why but i often feel really lousy about myself. i try to convince myself that everyone is different and has different abilities blah blah but somehow i still feel lousy. i admire people who know what they want, those who are goal-driven. unfortunately, i'm not.
during the holidays i've been living in my own world. it feels good. just being by yourself doing your own things. even if it means stoning one day away, it still feels nice. maybe i've finally realised that i'm like a homely person. haha. so that's maybe why i always seem like i've disappeared and all.
love you like a sister;
12:07 am
Monday, November 13, 2006
BARBAPAPA!
love you like a sister;
9:45 pm
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
the theme parks in usa look like heaven.
love you like a sister;
1:10 am
Saturday, November 04, 2006
just something random.
you know something? love feels so real in my dreams. but when it comes to real life, i've never felt anything like what i felt in my dreams before. i think huihui and shou would get what i mean. haha. and when i watch those lovey dovey dramas its so sweet and cute and then again i don't ever think i'll meet someone like that in my life. or do such scenarios even happen in real life? haha. how come its so hard to meet someone who can melt your heart and give you that blow-you-away kind of feeling? but it doesn't really matter now anyway.
oh yes, do remember to invite me to your weddings in future :) YOU BETTER!
love you like a sister;
2:06 pm
Thursday, November 02, 2006
today i woke up feeling really relieved and glad that my teeth were still in tact. i had a nightmare that my teeth were crumbling and i was holding broken pieces of my teeth in my hand. i couldn't talk properly and i was crying. i almost woke up crying also. imagine your teeth just crumbling by minutes and you look into the mirror only to find your mouth revealing more gums than teeth. it was very scary okay. and in my dream, i saw mata chasing illegal foreign workers and it was a heart-wrenching sight.
what's wrong with me huh? such funny dreams and so many parts of it.
anyway, i'm starting to like korean dramas :) and i've only watched 2. but more to come! they are so sweet and cute.
love you like a sister;
1:09 pm